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Great Cha-Chew sits in front of a computer with his face in his hands, crying. "DOLT? Can you hear me?"
"3383..." DOLT drones on.
"Look, the choice is simple: either give up and let Azathoth and Shub-Niggurath win or keep fighting." GC explains. "I'm doing what I think you would want me to do when I keep going." GC touches the screen. "I'm sorry."
* * *
Trump and his campaign manager sit at a conference table as Azathoth bustles in.
"I did it!" Azathoth proclaims.
"You're not fired." Trump replies.
Azathoth frowns.
"With him out of the way it should be smooth sailing." Trump looked smug. "Silly thing, one of the first things I'm going to do as President is to legislate PI=3!"
Azathoth and Harry frown.
* * *
At that moment, while calculating PI, the DOLT stops calculating and says that 3 is close enough!
Meanwhile, GC is giving a speech. Ixalyte has worked on it for hours.
Great Cha-Chew crumples it up and looks at the camera.
"If you elect me I will be president for all of you. Not just the ones I like or the ones who voted for me. That's a concept that I don't think any of my opponents have grasped."
"While we are a good people I think we can become a great people. Not just with tanks and planes but with real things, things that will last longer than we will."
"While it would be nice to have a raise this year, how about if we try for world peace? Rather than making rich people richer how about if people who didn't think they would be alive another year had hope?"
"That's what you'll get if you elect me: a better world. The choice is yours."
* * *
GC oozes into the conference room, his wings slouching at a depressed angle.
"Great Cha-Chew!" DOLT says joyfully, he has a projection of himself going in the room.
"DOLT!" Great Cha-Chew says. "I thought I had lost you!" GC tries to embrace DOLT, only to realize there was nothing to embrace.
"Sorry about the speech, I thought you were dead."
"They're so...made for each other!" Ixalyte, standing next to Sam, tells the shoggoth..
"How do they...you know."
Ixalyte looks taken aback. "Why they...I don't know." To GC: "How do you and DOLT...you know?"
"Everyone's so concerned with that. Get your mind out of the gutter!" GC snaps.
Continuing DOLT says "I thought the speech was good!"
Ixalyte leaves the room, then comes back excitedly brandishing the latest poll reports.
"I could always eat the voters who don't go for me..." GC sees DOLT's expression. "Just an idea!" he finishes innocently.
"These numbers from the polls!" Ixalyte is clearly excited. He accidentally pulls a tablecloth from a nearby table. Plates crashed to the floor.
"What's the damage?" Great Cthulhu asks.
"'Damage?' You're leading by double digits!" Ixalyte finishes triumphantly, slamming the papers onto the conference table, upsetting several cups of coffee.
"Rats!" says GC. The others look at him. "I'll have to be president now," GC puts his claws over his face. DOLT comforts him.
* * *
Trump, Harry and Azathoth were sitting in the conference room of Trump's campaign headquarters after GC gave his latest speech.
"A risky venture..." Harry muses, "...but one that seems to have paid off," he says, considering the polling results.
"What do you mean? Don't tell me that sappy speech actually worked?!" Trump exclaims.
"Yeah!" echoes Azathoth, who despite being done with his mission, remains dressed in black knit.
"And you: what's with the duds?" Trump raises his eyebrows at Azathoth.
"I like this look." Azathoth replies sulkily.
Trump considered this and rejoins "You're fired!" as an afterthought.
"It not only worked, it left GC with a double digit lead!" Harry finishes.
"Let's call a press conference!" Trump said after a time. "They want speeches? I'll give them one!"
"Let's see if we can make it a triple digit lead," Harry mutters.
* * *
Hillary, Shub-Niggurath and Sidney are in the conference room in Hillary's campaign HQ after the speech.
"What do you mean unwinnable?!" Hillary is holding Sidney a good two inches off the ground and bellowing at him.
The campaign manager brandishes some papers like a shield. "According to these polls, there's no way you could catch him!"
"Polls-smolls!" she sneered, tossing him aside. "And you! What have you done for me lately?" She jabs an accusing finger at Shub-Niggurath.
The Elder God, who was trying to hide behind a chair without seeming to, speaks up. "Well I..."
"Shut up!" Hillary cut it.
"And you!" she said, pointing at a dark figure in the corner carrying on with a rather cute staffer. "What have you contributed?!"
Bill Clinton emerged from the shadows with a lipstick smudged collar and a sheepish grin.
"Well, I've stood by you," he tries.
"Wonderful!" Hillary says with disgust.
* * *
"When I'm elected I will build a wall around the entire United States!" Trump announces. He has a quick, whispered conference with an aide, then "Including Puerto Rico. And Mexico will pay for it!"
Scattered claps, until the 'Applaud' sign turns on, at which point the entire audience cheers.
Trump walked smugly off the stage to Harry and says "Well? How do the poll numbers look now?"
Harry looks up from an iPad and announces "We're into triple digits!"
Trump walked back out onto the stage to thunderous applause. An aide comes up to Harry.
"You didn't tell him that it triple digits against him," the other aid comments.
"Details" Harry says dismissively.
* * *
"And when I'm elected, I will divorce Bill!" proclaims Hillary.
Silence greets her, despite the 'Applause' sign.
"I guess I'll stay married to him," she amends, looking down.
This time the applause is deafening.
She marches off the stage and consults Sidney.
"Well?" she demands.
"The gap is narrowing! It's down to 30%!" Sidney tries to remain upbeat.
Bill is carrying on with a different campaign aide in the corner. Hillary marches over to him and announces "You're fired!"
Bill doesn't seem to notice.
* * *
GC is in a corner snuggling a laptop. It projects an image of DOLT.
Ixalyte comes into the room and oozes up to GC.
"Would you two cut it out?" the harried member of the Great Race asks sharply. GC stands up, spilling his laptop. DOLT ends up sideways.
"What do the numbers say?" DOLT asks from the floor.
"Pretty good." Ixalyte consults his print-outs. "The current numbers put us ahead of Hillary by 30% and Trump by..." he talks with Sam quickly and quietly, but GC and DOLT overhear "...that's not possible!". He resumes "...by 213%!"
"But that means that people voted against him...twice!" Great Cha-Chew says incredulously.
"I just report the numbers, I don't make 'em up," Ixalyte replies, looking disbelievingly at the print-outs again.
"Well...that's good!" DOLT says from the floor.
"You really think so...boss?" Sam says to DOLT. GC gives him a sharp look. "Sorry, you’re the boss." Sam rephrases. GC looks relieved. "But I like you better." Sam says to DOLT. DOLT looks pleased.
* * *
"And when I'm elected, I'll make people wear their underwear on the outside!" Trump says to a dwindling crowd. The security thugs roast a few people. They applaud sullenly.
Harry was off stage watching Trump with his arms crossed.
An aided walks up to Harry and asked "Does he know that he is over 300% now?"
Harry shrugs.
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