“So, do you think this will work?” Mike asked the Elder.
“I dunno, but it’s worth a try,” the Elder responded.
“What’s with him?” Mike turned to Gideon.
“Ah, he’s just pouting because he lost at Trival Pursuit...again! Or should I say that I won...again!”
“Shaddup.” The Elder started mixing a martini.
“C’mon E, this could be a big PR win for the Puppeteers!”
The Elder paused in mid-shake. “You think so?”
“Only if it works,” said Gideon.
“Oh, very well. Here!” The Elder reached out a tentacle which Mike touched. Instantly, the information coursed through Mike’s Puppeteer.
“OK, we’ll test this out...on Tom!”
“Why me?” The agent looked concerned.
“You’re the only one who has a Spydhar girlfriend.”
“She just wants to eat me, it’s purely physical a relationship.”
“Yeah, well, you don’t see Alice being chased by tarantulas!”
Alice glared at Mike.
“Not that you’re not attractive or anything, you just have this kind of...non-people sort of personality.”
“You should quit while you’re behind.”
“dUd3! i 7hiNk y0U'r3 l337!”
“Thanks, Rex,” Alice said not breaking her glare.
Mike touched Tom’s Puppeteer.
“But this will make me smell like Rex!”
Rex looked upset.
“Rex, wait! I didn’t mean it like that!”
But Rex had already left the room.
“See what you did?!” Tom turned angrily on Mike.
“Just shut up and get that stupid car of yours back to Earth.”
The three of them piled out of the Elder’s room.
“Another game?” said Gideon hopefully.
* * *
Tom managed another crash landing. The four of them got out of the car. Rex was sulking in the back seat.
“Rex! I’m sorry.”
“dUd3! i'm no7 t@lkINg 70 yoU!”
Just then, Blunc-hee came scuttling out from behind a bush.
“There you are, tasty one!”
But before the author could think of a witty reply the black widow stopped short. She sniffed.
“Phew! What’s that smell?”
“How can you tell when you don’t have a nose?”
“Mind your own business!”
Blunc-hee sniffed again. Tom advanced.
“What’s the matter? Don’t you think I’m tasty any more?”
The Spydhar scuttled nervously away from Tom. “I just think we need to give each other more space.”
During this embarrassing interlude, a nearby pedestrian fell, webbed about the ankles.
“Not again! Webster, cut that out!”
The hairy tarantula came out from behind a tree.
“Yeeesh! What stinks?”
“What? You too?” Tom demanded, advancing on the Spydhar.
Webster scuttled away from Tom. “You smell like one of those lizards...or maybe three of them?”
“hMph!” Rex pouted.
In the meantime, Blunc-hee had scuttled away from Tom and was next to Webster.
“My darling! How could I have been distracted by that piece of stinky meat?”
“Hey!”
“You, with your eight plump legs, are my true destiny!”
“I’ve been force feeding myself just for you.” Webster said shyly.
“Swing with me to the Kasbah!” Blunc-hee shot a web into a nearby tree and, with Webster in a few of her arms, they were away; but not before Webster managed a dig at his rival.
“So long, huge-glands!”
“At least I’m not going to get eaten!” Tom yelled back. But the couple was already gone.
Tom turned back to Rex. “I think you smell fine!”
Rex looked slightly mollified.
A few weeks later the four of them were in General Sterling’s office.
“Tom! Good work on coming up with that solution to the Spydhar problem!”
“Actually it was my idea, sir,” Mike said petulantly but the colonel was already moving past that.
“How is mass production of the new perfume progressing?”
“Well, sir the new batch, ‘Spydhar-b-gone’ seems to be even more effective than the first batch. And it works for the non-Guided too! Since it’s been introduced, we haven’t had a single Spydhar-related disappearance!”
“That’s my boy! You know, the rest of you could learn a thing or two from him!”
“Yes sir” Mike, Alice and Rex said in a monotone.
Tom led the way back to their offices, a jaunty spring in his step. Alice looked like she was going to kick him, but Mike stopped her. Mike seemed to reconsider, but Tom, however, had already disappeared within.
“dUD3! i 7HInk Y0u guY$ 5m3Ll $3xY!”
Mike made a note to avoid Raptor females while wearing the new Spydhar repellent.
Chapter 4
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