Fred the Krab

"Not him again" said an overburdened octopus.

"I'm afraid so" said another harried-looking octopus who tried to comfort the first one.

"How did I get into this mess?"

Just then everything became wavy.

"What's this?" said the first octopus.

"Looks like a flashback" said the second octopus.

* * *

The scene resolves to a throne room. Fred the Krab is racing across the floor pusued hotly by some octopus guards. As he passes the throne he nabs the crown jewels.

"I did it! I'm King now!" he chortles.

Fred races out of the building to another one that just happens to be there. A sign on the front of the building reads "Ted's pawn shop." Fred goes into the building.

A bored looking fish is sitting in the back behind the counter. Fred approaches him.

"Hi Ted." Says Fred as he approaches.

"Hi Fred." Ted puts down the newspaper he was reading. On the front pape it says 'Fred is back in Atlantis. Housing prices plumment!'

"How much will you give me for these?" Fred takes out the crown jewels.

Ted looks over the crown jewels and annouces "One moldy snail."

Fred becomes upset. "They're worth 100 times that!"

Ted goes back to looking bored. "They're stolen."

"Would I do that?" Fred contrives to look innocent.

"Just last week..." Ted goes back to his newspaper.

"You drive a hard bargain!" Fred cuts in. Fred pushes the crown jewels towards Ted who grudgingly flips over one snail.

Fred runs out of the establishment and goes into the next building that just happens to be there. Its sign reads 'Booze.'

Fred comes running out with a bottle that says 'Thunderbird' on it. He scuttles a little bit and then takes a long pull on the bottle and then passes out.

* * *

The octopus guards catch up with Fred. Guard #1 searches Fred.

"Well, the jewels aren't on him. Better try the pawn shop." says guard #1.

"He'd have to be pretty stupid to pawn them there." Guard #2 says.

"He'd have to be pretty stupid to steal the crown jewels period." guard #1 responds.

"Good point." says guard #2 who sets off in the direction of the pawn shop.

* * *

"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen." Fred sings, off key.

Guard #1; whose name turns out to be Jerry, sighs.

"He's singing again." says Jerry to guard #2 whose name turns out to be Greg.

"Well, he is a criminal." Greg and Jerry are sitting at desks. Jerry has his tentacles covering his face.

"Judging from the last time, he won't sing for very long." Greg tries to console Jerry.

"Why did we have to arrest him?" Jerry sinks below the desktop.

"Well, he did steal the crown jewels." Greg points out.

"You mean he was dumb enough to steal the crown jewels." Jerry sits up enough to play with a pen.

"Well he did steal them. Besides..." Gerry said.

"Besides what?"

"He's stopped singing." Greg pointed out.

Jerry sighs, gets up, and swims to the door leading to the cells. Then he stops. "He has also escaped."

Greg swims over.

"You know what this means?" Jerry asks.

"That we have to catch him again?" Greg volunters.

"That too, but he could have broken out before he started singing!" Jerry finishes triumphantly.

Greg just stares at him.

Things go wavy again and then resolve to Jerry, sitting at a desk.

"What has he done this time?" Jerry asks.

"Well, according to Arnold from the booze shop, he stole some Thunderbird." answers Greg; while hanging up a phone.

"Do we have to arrest him?" Jerry looks dejected.

"I suppose so; but look on the bright side!" Greg is striving to be a 'the glass is half full!' kind of octopus.

"And what might that be?" Jerry replies. He is very much 'the glass is half empty.' sort of octopus.

"He'll probably be two steps away from the exit; we won't have to search!" Greg declares.

* * *

Jerry and Greg are looking at Fred, who is passed out two steps from Arnold's Booze shop. He has a bottle gripped in one klaw. The bottle says 'Thunderbird.'

"Do we have to take him in; I mean, he'll sing if we do." Jerry complains

"Well, he was stealing..."

Jerry rolls his eyes and sulks.

Greg tries to pick up the krab but he weighs too much. "Will you give me a tentacle here? This krab weighs a ton!"

Jerry rolls his eyes again, but swims over to help.

"Jezz! This krab should lose some weight!" Jerry complains.

"True! But getting him to exercise is harder than keeping him in jail!" Greg points out.

Jerry grunts, but says nothing.

"Maybe we should give the bottle back to Arnold." Greg observes.

"I tried, but he's gripping it too tightly." Jerry says.

"Who could have imagined that?"

"I could!" Jerry says under his breath.

"What was that?" says Greg.

"Oh nothing." Jerry responds.

* * *

"Nobody knows the troubles I've seen." Fred is awake and singing.

"Shaddup!" Jerry perks up enough to say that, then he sinks back down into depression.

Just then a rather attractive female crab stomps into the room. She has a turban on her head.

"Who are you?" Jerry has perked up enough to ask that question.

"I'm Swami, Fred's ex-wife." she says.

"Don't you run that temple off of main flow?" Greg chimes in.

"Yeah I'm here to pay you..." she says, but is cut off by Jerry.

"You're here to post bail for Fred?" Jerry looks incredulous.

"Not exactly I'm here to give you 100 snails to keep him locked up." Swami states.

"Now that's more believable!" Jerry slams his desk with a tentacle.

"I'm sorry, but you can't pay us to keep him locked up." Greg says.

"What are you talking about, Greg, we could take up a collection and retire!"

"I'm sorry but we can't start accepting money for suspects that people want to see jailed there'd be no end to it!" Greg stated, ignoring Jerry.

"So you were married to this guy..." stated Jerry.

"He got me drunk." Swami said by way of explaination.

"Now that sounds more believable." Jerry responded.

Faintly from the cells..."Nobody knows the troubles I've seen..."

"Did he sing then?" Jerry ask Swami.

"Don't get me started." Swami declares.

"You mean it get worse?" Jerry asks desperately.

Swami just stares at Jerry as if to say 'This is your second warning.'

Another crab comes in. This one is on a broomstick.

"You're too late Wanda, they won't accept money." Swami says without looking up.

"How many ex-wives does this krab have?!" Jerry stops covering his face with his tentacles.

"Dozens." Swami states.

"How did you end up married to him?" asks Jerry who now looks truely wretched.

"Well, it's a long story"

Things get wavey again.

"Ooh what's happening?" says an alarmed Swami.

"Just a flash-back" interjects Greg.

* * *

The scene opens on Swami's place. Her living quarters are neat and tidy. Swami is sitting on the couch. Suddenly, there is a knock on the door.

"That must be my blind date!" Swami says as she gets up.

She opens the door to find Fred standing there. Fred grins sheepishly.

Swami stares at him a while in silence, then shrugs, and leaves with him. "At least it's a free meal."

They walk to a nearby Burger King.

"You really know how to treat a girl," Swami says without enthusiasm.

"You like it? I own it!" Fred says encouragingly.

They go in and order.

"I seem to have left my wallet in my other shell, would you mind...?" says Fred as he roots around in his shell.

"So much for the free meal!" says Swami, taking out her wallet.

"I'm surprised that they charged us at all if you own the place," Swami says while sitting down.

"Yeah, the guy must be new," Fred says while reaching for his wopper.

"You do own the place? You didn't just make that up, right?" Swami asks as she picks up her whopper.

"Oh totally, you can believe Fred!" the krab responds.

"You there!" Swami says to a passing Burger King employee.

"Did you know that this krab owns this Burger King?" Swami says to the employee.

"He dosen't look like Francis the fish," the employee says.

"He must be new." Fred says nervously.

"How long have you worked here?" Swami asks.

The employee looks down. "About 10 years."

Swami confronts the krab "You lied to me!"

"Alright! What I should have said was I own it because I'm the KING and the king owns everything!" Fred pounds the table.

<later that night they are at a movie theater.>

"Let me guess...you left your wallet in your other shell so you can't pay for the movie." Swami says, saying the words as if they taste bad.

Fred just grins.

Swami shrugs and hands over the money.

When they get into the theater Fred stops at the concession stand and grins.

<After Fred orders a lot of food.>

They make their way to their seats. Fred immediately starts eating.

"Slow down! The movie hasn't even started yet!" says Swami watching the krab.

Fred ignores her and continues eating.

The movie starts "Hey! We're out of popcorn." says Fred.

"I told you to slow down; but would you listen...of course not!" Swami says, in that 'I told you so!' tone of voice.

Fred just grins.

"Oh alright!" Swami says in a matred tone of voice, and gets up to get more popcorn.

<After 30 minutes of an unremarkable slasher flick.>

Swami is sitting there with her klaws crossed. Fred gives a yawn to try and cover the fact that he is putting a klaw around Swami. She bats his klaw away. What follows is an attempted groping by Fred, and batting klaws away by Swami.

<60 more minutes of this>

Swami and Fred are making their way to Swami's place. They arrive and Swami says:

"Well there goes that evening!"

Fred stands there as if he were expecting something.

"What?!" says and exacerbated Swami.

"I took you out on a date, you owe me something!"

"But I paid for everything, and besides date stunk." says a flustered Swami.

"Even so, it's traditional to give me a good-night kiss."

"I'll give you that kiss if ever pay me back! Till then good-night, Fred." she gives him a klaw shake, goes to her door and slams it after going inside.

"Some girls..." grumbles Fred as he scuttles away.

Fed knocks again and says "Hey, do you want to go to a party?"

Swami considers this and shrugs "It can't be worse than the movie..."

* * *

The scene opens on Fred dancing; say what you want about Fred, but that krab can dance.

The music playing sounds like "Celllllabrate krab times c'mon!"

Just then the krab approaches a crab. He stops dancing and tries to act suave

"Hey baby!"

"Oh hi," responds the crab.

"Would you like another drink?" ask the krab.

"Don't mind if I do," she responds.

"Here, let me get it," he says, going over to the drinks table and fetching two drinks. Unseen by the crab, he spikes hers with something. He hands her the drink, guzzles his and goes back to dancing.

The same action is taken for each babe...

Fast forward to the next morning...

Fred awakens with a hangover. There are many babes near him. All of them have have splitting headaches.

Fred takes a haggard look around. "I must have scored last night" He says absent mindedly.

A froggy babe wakes up, puts a forelimb to her head, looks at Fred and screams. The froggy babe hops out of the room.

<the process is repeated for most froggy babes in the room>

<one crab seems very fat and can't fit through the doorway>

"So you're the lucky one!" the krab shouts. He immediately puts a klaw to his shell, and groans (quietly).

"What have you done to me?!" the crab demands.

Fred puts another klaw to his shell and says "I've gotten you pregnant with krablets. Could you breathe more quietly?"

The other critters wake up, see Fred, scream, and move out of the suite. All of them fit through the doorway.

"T-T-Then you'll have to marry me!" the tearful crab says.

"Certainly not! We got married last night." Fred responds, and holds up a paper napkin.

"What's that?" Asks the pregnant crab.

"Damn it! It must be here somewhere!" Fred roots about the floor some and triumphantly displays a receipt-like piece of paper. The paper says marriage license.

"Oh no!" the soon-to-be mother moans.

Fred just grins.

"By the way, what's your name?"

"Swami..."

They are interrupted by Swami screaming with pain.

"What's happening?" swami says through gritted manibles.

"You're giving birth." Fred replies.

A krablet comes shooting out of Swami. It is smoking a foul, seaweed cigar.

"Hey dad, gimme dough!" krablet #1 says to Fred.

The krablet is soon joined by other krablets until the room is filled with them and Swami has shrunken down to her normal size.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but I want a divorce!" the new mother says.

"Yeah" says a krablet, and the rest of the krablets chime in with "Yeah!"

"Before we do that, can I borrow some money?" Fred asks.

A krablet perks up and says "I wish I had thought of that, how about it, Ma?" in a second the other krablets join him in asking.

"The good news is they don't they last the week," says the krab, as the krablets shove him and Swami apart.

"Why, what happens after a week?" Swami asks.

"I dunno, they just...leave" Fred answers.

<Swami scuttles away, followed by her krablets.>

* * *

"And that's how I ended up married to that krab!" an angry Swami states.

"That's terrible." Jerry says.

"Ummm.. yeah." Greg opines with somewhat less force than Jerry.

"But we still can't accept money to keep him locked up."

"Yeah! ...you mean we can't?" Jerry says and then looks at Greg

"No! Someone may come and bail him out." Greg says.

"Yeah! Like that's ever gonna happen!" Jerry responds.

Just then an Octopus enters the room. His name is Octavius. "I know you may find this hard to believe, but I'm here to bail Fred out."

"Why?" Jerry says, turning to him.

"Well I'll tell you..." Octavius says as things become wavy.

"What's happening?" Octavius asks.

"Flash-back!" says everyone in the room except Mr. Octavious.

* * *

The scene opens on Fred, he is scuttling through the kelp forest when he happens upon 4 beings playing cards. There is Mr. Octavius the Octopus, Booda the gawd (no relation to the indian god Buddha), Great Qthulu, and Fuzzie the flurndebit (he is a genius).

"Do you have any sevens?" Booda asks of Great Qthulu.

"Go fish" Great Q responds.

"Aw shucks" Booda exclaims as he picks up a card.

Fred scuttles into the room and asks "Go Fish is a boring game, have you guys ever tried poker?"

"It's gotta be more interesting than this." Great Q opines

<10 minutes later>

"Great Q owes me $500, Mr. Octavius you owe me $300, same for the rest of you." Fred cuts the cards with one klaw.

"This sucks!" says Octavius, he then squirts ink.

Great Qthulu chuckles as he hands over some coins. "It's worth it just to see the big B squirm!"

"I...I don't have the money." quavers Booda.

"Same here. Though I don't remember there being 5 aces in the deck!" Fuzzie is messing with a slide-ruler.

"Don't worry, we can work something out." says Fred, idly tossing the deck from klaw to klaw

"You have spare bodies...don't you?" Fred points a klaw at Booda, who nods.

"And you have new inventions, right?" Fred turns to Fuzzie.

"Well, with all my force-fields I have some spares. As I get ready to cream you in a rematch!" Fuzzie shakes a tentacle at the Krab.

"And you could get me out of the occasional trouble with the law?" Fred turns to Mr. Octavius.

"Ok" says a sullen Mr. Octavious.

"Then we're fine" says Fred as he tosses the deck into the air and then catching it with the same klaw.

* * *

"And that's how." Mr. Octavious explains

"OK. So now he has a get-out-of-jail free card, and a new body if he dies, and free inventions. Octopus! This krab keeps getting better and better!" Jerry then slumps to the ground in depression.

"Why is he always talking about being everyone's uncle?" asks Greg as he looks at Jerry

"Well, that has to do with Fuzzy..." answers Mr. Octavious." As he says that things go wavey.

"Here we go again..." says Greg.

* * *

The scene opens on Fuzzy's space station. Fred is there along with Fuzzy. Fred is busy talking to Fuzzy, who is a flurndebit. But not just any flurndebit, Fuzzy was budded directly from Curly; who was frisking under a UV lamp at the time, making Fuzzy a mutant flurndebit. In Fuzzy's case this made him super-intelligent. He is droning on about making adjustments to a device that looks like it's a cross between a bicycle and that device in Men in Black 2 that Jack Jeeves used to deneuralize agent K. Fred is sitting in the device, talking to Fuzzy. He says,

"Come on Fuzzy! Can this contraption send me back in time or not?!"

"I'm just trying to figure out if I should do this..." Fuzzy responds, making a minor adjustment to his Time Machine.

Fred looks around as if he just bought the place. "I'd hate to have to take your space station as payment but you leave me with little choice..."

"I've just made up my mind: I should send you back in time!" Fuzzy hastly interrupts.

"Good! I didn't want to take your space station anyways!" Fred says. "Remember: just do this one little thing for me and you won't owe me anything. Who cares why I want this. I just do."

Fuzzy throws a switch and Fred experiences a maelstrom-like sensation and along with other, cheesy effects and with some dated music. He seems to be being sucked into the maelstrom.

Fred awakens from being passed out. As this is Fred we are talking about, this happens all the time to him, so he is not too disoriented.

He scuttles around some and then runs into a brontosaurus. He stops and says, "Hey babee my name's Fred what's yours?"

"Bob and this is Rob the raptor." The brontosaurus responds pointing out a much smaller dino, who turns to look at Fred.

Rob takes a look at Fred, and says, "Nice to meet you! Now that we've been introduced, I think I'll eat you! Goodbye Fred!"

Rob starts running towards Fred.

"Dosen't he know what I taste like? Of course not, they haven't heard of me yet!" Fred says to himself as he regards Rob.

Rob closes with Fred and a cloud surrounds them as they fight.

To his great surprise Rob finds himself fighting completely defensively to fend off Fred's perverted attacks. Ultimately he finds himself losing and then Fred has his way with him.

Fred's witty (actually witless) comment about the "Friendly natives" is cut off as he is yanked back to the "present day" of Fuzzey's lab.

"What did you find out, uncle Fred?" says Fuzzey somewhat breathlessly.

"That I should have stayed because no one had heard of me! Hey, waitaminnute, since when am I your uncle?" Fred asks.

"I don't know: you've always been my uncle." Fuzzey replies, confused.

"Perving Rob must have disrupted the timeline!" Fred declares. "Now I'm everybody's uncle! That time jump was very useful. Seeya!" says Fred as he leaves.

Fuzzey ponders this for a moment when the doorbell rings.

"Who is it?" Fuzzey asks.

"The mad scientists guild! We'd like to talk to you Fuzzey!" says the rep from the MSG.

"What's this about? My check didn't bounce did it?" says Fuzzey testily.

"No everything with your dues is fine. We're here about Fred." says the rep.

"What's wrong with de Krab?" Fuzzey asks, and he thinks for a moment and adds "Aside from the obvious?"

"We're upset to have him as an uncle!" says the rep angrily. After a moment he adds "I mean we're mad! Not crazy..." the other reps repeat the "We're mad, not crazy line.

"So we're wondering if you've changed the timeline?" asks the rep angrily. The other reps back him up.

"Now why would you think that?" Fuzzey says trying to "casually" hide his time machine.

One rep notices the time machine and points it out to the senior rep.

"Ha! caught you red handed!" says the rep pointing to the machine. "Unless you want to be kicked out of the guild you'd better fix the timeline!"

The reps leave. Fuzzey mutters to himself as he floats about the lab (he’s using a force field).

“Fix the timeline just like that eh? There’s a little more to it than that!”

Fuzzey flips a couple of switches and floats into the transfer area and then disappears.

Fuzzey reappears some distance from Fred just as Rob is closing in on him. Before Rob can reach Fred, Fred disappears.

Fuzzey says “This will be easier than I thought!” Then he too disappears, leaving a very confused Rob and Bob.

Fuzzey reappears in the transit area of the lab and says ”Done! That was easy! Lets see if De Krab is anyone’s uncle!”

Fuzzey flips a couple of switches and consults a monitor.

“Nope! De Krab isn’t anyone’s uncle!”

Just then De Krab muscles in (more like flabs in, in Fred's case).

"Hey! What's the big idea with you messing with the timeline?"

Fuzzey turns to face Fred and says

"What i'm mad, not crazy!

* * ** * *

The scene opens in the same place that Fred found the gamblers the first time.

"That's 30 more bucks to you Big B" Fred says. He is wearing a visor-cap.

"Too rich for my blood." Booda says turning in his hand.

"You won again, Fred." says Greate Qthulu.

"It looks like you're right! Who would have thought of that?" Fred says, with mock surprise. "Another hand, gents?" Fred cuts the cards with one klaw.

But everyone except Fred bows out.

"I have to get back to my space station."
"My worshippers..."
"Swami..."

"O-kay, but, same time next week? Good. Now, how much do you owe me?"

Fred does some calculations. "O-Kay Great Q you owe me $500...same to you Octavious..."

"Big B and Fuzzie owe me four hundred dollars each." Fred says, turning to them.

Great Q chuckles as he takes out some gold coins; Octavios squirts ink but hands over some bills. Fuzzie and Booda search through their pockets but fail to come up with anything.

"I can't pay" says Fuzzie as he messes with a slide ruler.

"Neither can I." says Booda, staring at some pocket lint; which is all his search yielded.

"That's OK we have deals worked out." says Fred putting his klaws on their shoulders.

"Wonderful." says Fuzzie rolling his eyes.

"Just great." says Booda, continuing to stare at his pocket-lint.

* * *

The scene opens on Blackie and Leggy who are both giant spiders. Leggy is a tarantula who has made a lot of money selling flurndebits; but she can't get a date. Blackie the black widow is the reason because she keeps eating Leggies dates. Both are ex-wives of Fred's. They are in Blackie's living room.

"I can't get a date because you keep eating all the eligable bachelors!!" says Leggy, pointing a fore-limb at Blackie.

"It's not my fault that men find me attractive." Blackie says, while shaving her legs.

"It's because you shave your legs! And because you lie about being a black widow." says Leggy, the fact that Blackie shaves her legs really upsets her.

"Well you could start shaving your legs..." Blackie says, while struggling to get into a corset.

"Never!"

"Then resign yourself to a life alone!" says Blackie, finally getting into her corset.

"And you lie about being a black widow!" says Leggy, who never lets a good gruge go to waste.

"Never!" Blackie thinks for a moment then says "Well hardly ever."

"It's one of the first questions your 'dates' ask you!"

"Well, if I lie then it's for their own good!" Blackie thinks for a moment then "Mostly for their own good." Blackie thinks some moore, then "OK so it's mostly for me, but still!"

Leggy continues to stare at Blackie.

"I can't help it if I'm more forgiving with respect to my dates having a few extra pounds!"

"'Forgiving' hell! You like them fatter!" Leggy practically explodes.

"It's true that I do find the ones with a few extra pounds more attaractive!" Blckie looks over at an exasperated Leggy.

Blackie says "Mostly."

"'Mostly' hell! You'll eat anyone!" Leggy says.

Blackie looks at a wrist-watch on a forelimb. "It's almost time for my date!".

"And the one person you could eat and nobody would complain about, you refuse to see: to whit, Fred!"

Blackie shudders in disgust when Leggy mentions Fred, she turns to face Leggy. "Of course I don't like Fred! A spider has to have some standards!"

The doorbell rings.

"And here's my date!" Blackie says going to the door. Leggy just sits there and stews.

A spider is there. He has some flowers and is wearing tons of glasses. "Y-Your not a black widow are you?" He says nervously.

"Now why would you say that?" Blackie says as she adjusts her corset to make sure her red hourglass is not showing.

"It's just that some women are put off by my glasses and my weight." He says.

"We all have a few pounds we're tying to get rid of." Blackie says smoothly.

"Gosh! You'are awfully nice!" Say Blackie's date, as he adjusts his tie.

"Shall we go to the restaurant?" says the date.

"Actually I thought it would be nice if we dined here..." Blackie says innocently.

"But what about your friend?" says the date.

"Oh, she was just leaving." Blackie glances at Leggy and gives her, Blakie's best 'scram' face.

"I'll just leave you two love birds to your...dinner" Leggy says giving her worst 'You bitch' face for Blackie.

"See ya later!" Blackie says, closing the door in Leggie's face.

The scene closes.

* * *

The scene opens in a bar. Fred's ex-wives are there. There is Leggy, a tarantula and Blackie a black widow , and Swami and Wanda (both are crabs), and Hissie the boaconstrictor and Rhona the rattlesnake, and Nature frog and Yolanda (both are froggy babes). They are in the midst of an "ex-wives out" evening where they talk about how Fred used to piss them off.

"And he snores!" says Leggy.

"And he smells!" says Blackie.

"He's also a whimp." chimes in Hissie.

"And he's a total coward!" says Rhonda.

"And those are his good traits!" says Yolanda. They all laugh.

"He throws those stupid froggy-babe parties" says Wanda.

"Tell me about it!" Yolanda and Nature frog speak in unsion. The rest of the ex-wives just laugh.

"And he lies all the time!" says Nature frog. She looks contemplative "I don't think he's ever told me the truth about anything!" the rest of the ex-wives raise their glasses to her.

"And you'd better watch him while he pours you a drink, otherwise he'll slip you something." Swami cuts in.

"True --- that's how I ended up being his wife!" says Nature frog.

"That's how we all ended up being his wife." says Yolanda being in a grouchy mood. The other ex-wive raise a glass "Here! Here!"

"And I hate the way he's always trying to borrow money." says Yoanda.

"But is always for the kingdom! For Atlantis! For Atlantis!" Leggy says, imatating Fred.

"Like he's not going to get drunk off his shell the moment he gets any money!" chimes in Wanda.

"But he's all like 'You don't know how stressful the job is!'" Swami says, mimicking Fred.

"He's so full of crap!" says Hissie.

* * *

The scene opens on Fred's casino, where a froggy-babe's husband is turning in snails for casino chips.

"Greeebeet!" which, roughly translated, means 'exchange these.'

The froggy-babe went up to their room, being in no mind to gamble. Unfortunately, Fred was waiting there for her.

"Greeebeet!" which, roughly translated, means 'What are you doing here?'

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" says Fred as he rushes the unfrotunate froggy-babe.

He has his way with her in 10 seconds flat and the proceedings are on the film titled 'Freddie does Dallas.'

Meanwhile, the husband has had 'Good luck' on the tables and is trying to get snails for his casino chips.

"Greeebeet!" which, roughly translated, mean 'Give me snails for these!'

The fish on the other side of the grate gives him Snail-o-bucks which is the offical currency of Atlants*.

"Greebeet!" which, roughly translated, mean 'What the hell is this?'

"That's all we're allowed to give for casino chips." says the fish, who is glad for the grill.

"Greeebeet!" which, roughly translated, means 'You haven't heard the last of this!'

"Whatever!"

The husband hops off in a huff.

* = At least according to Fred.

* * *

The scene opens on 'Fred's Used Shells' with a prospective customer.

"And here is a turboshell that has barely been used!" says Fred to a crab.

The crab looks at the shell and kicks a leg. The leg falls off. The crab turns to Fred and glares at him.

"I thought that leg looked loose" says Fred desperatly.

The crab kicks another leg, that one falls off too.

The crab scuttles off.

"Oh well. There's one born every minute." says Fred as he puts on the legs.

A crab scuttles in and says: "I'm here to look at turboshells!"

"Funny you should say that! Here is a barely used turboshell in mint condition!" says Fred, turning on the charm.

"It better have all-leg drive." says the crab.

"But of course it does!" says Fred, now in full sales-krab mode.

The crab gets on board and tries the wheel.

"Does this thing come with a waranty?" says the crab.

"All the shells that I sell come with a no-questios-asked, 1 year waranty"

"No-questions asked eh? I'll take it!"

"You'he made a good decision." says Fred, who look unaccountably relived to see the crab getting out of the shell. "Just fill out this form."

The scene closes having proved P.T. Banum corret.

* * *

The scene opens in a froggy-babe's lilly pad. Ms. Greeeebeet is standing there, nervously...

Fred bursts in and says: "Happy Valentines day."

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated means "What are you doing here?"

"It being Valentimes day, I thought we'd screw." Fred says, in a matter-of-fact way.

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "I don't want anything to do with you."

"C'mon baby, haven't I been nice to you?" Fred says in his best "Who, me? voice.

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "No."

"Well I've thought of being nice, and that's practically the same thing." Fred says all injured dignity.

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "No it isn't."

"Awwwww c'mon, baby!"

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "I gotta talk to my mommy froggy-babe."

"So much for being nice..." says Fred, as he rushes the froggy-babe.

"Mo ha ha ha!" says Fred, as he takes advatage of Ms Greeeebeet.

<what follows is a scene which can rented at your local video shop under the title "Freddie does Denver">

"Gribeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "Now get out!"

"After I take a nap..." Fred falls asleep. Ms Greeeebeet looks upset but she acts like "at least he's not bothering me."

The scene closes.

* * *

The scene opens on one of Leggy's commecials for flurndebits.

There is a picture of Leggy and Curley.

Leggie's voice comes on "Remember to get Leggy brand flurndebits, so fresh they squeek" the picture changes to a bright and active flurndebt. A spider's leg reaches out and squeezs it. It sqeeks, "unlike brand X " the picture changes to that of a dead flurndebt. A spider's leg goes out and sqeezies it, nothing happens.

The picture changes to show eight flurndebits in a package. "Why not have one today? Why not have eight today? Go to Leggie's convient swing thru." The picture changes to show an attractive spider attendent at a swing thru. Before too long a smiling spider swings on by. The attendent hands her an 8-pack.

AND there's a toy for your spidelings! The scene changes to thousands of spiderlings.

"Here you go, you little bastards!" A mommy spider comes in and tosses them a Hot-Cakes-a-Dactyl.

The spiderlings respond with "Mommy! Mommy! We're hungry!"

The mommy responds with "Go eat daddy!"

"We already ate him!" the spiderlings respod.

"Shaddup! You little bastards!" the mommy commences spinning on one leg so she can hit the spiderlings with her other legs. The sound of thousands of slaps is heared. The commercial fades with that scene.

* * *

The scene opens on a picture of a hospital, and then the title of the TV show is overlaid. It is called "General Flurndebit Hospital" another shot of the building is show and then "Starring Curley as Dr. Curley." Another shot of the building comes up with the text "Also Starring Fred D. Krab as Dr. Fred."

A scene opens on Dr. Curley with a nurse Greebeeeet. As the scene opens nurse Greebeeeet says "Greebeeeet" witch rougly translates to "But Dr. Curley this paitent may die!"

Nurse Greebeeeet hops urgently.

Curley, however, seems unconcerned and just say "Huh?" and frisks

Curley frisks over to the patient

"I feel better!" the patient annouces.

Nurse Greebeeeet hops over and says "Greebeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "Gosh, Dr. Curley your good karma must have healed him!"

Fred comes scuttling in.

"I feel worse again!" annouces the patient.

All eyes turn to Fred except for Curley who just frisks "Huh?"

"This man needs an emergency cash-excotomy!" says the krab.

Nurse Greebeeeet says "Greebeeeet!" which, roughly translated, means "But the patient may die!"

"Just as long as he pays first!" the krab says.

Nurse Greebeeeet turns to Curley and says "Greebeeeet!" which, rougly translated, means "What should we do Dr. Curley?"

Curley just frisks, unconcerned.

The narrator cuts in and says "Tune in tomorrow for another, exciting episode of General Flurndebit Hospital." The scene swithes to a picture of building, which slowly fades.

* * *

"And when I am elected things will be different! Rather then stealing and hiding it, I'll do it openly!"

Fred is at a political rally. A school of flounder are cheering him on. They have signs that say stuff like 'Vote for Fred.' and 'At least Fred is honest.'

Jerry and Greg are watching. "He is very popular with the flounder." Jerry says.

"Oh really?" Greg responds.

"They only see one side." Jerry finishes.

"Even when both sides are bad?" Greg says.

Jerry just shrugs.

* * *

Other ideas:

  • Leggy on her flurndebit ranch
  • Leggy's Bistro and the spider nurses
  • Amee and the Ant Empire
  • Fred as the Prettiest Prettist Princess
  • Leggy brainstorming flavors and playcating Amee
  • Fred at the sushi bar with a conveyer belt
  • The Easter Bunny visits Fred
  • The birth of Frizzy
  • Spidar nurses (n: we have to do a blood test. p: how much blood do you need? n: all of it)

* * *

The scene opens on a park. Fred is walking his furndebit, Curly. Fred hides behind some kelp. After a while, a froggy babe comes up and pets him.

"What a cute little flurndebit!" she says.

Fred comes out from behind the kelp and says: "Hey, baybe."

The froggy babe is startled and says "Hi! Who are you?"

"My name's Fred" he responds.

"Oh! You're the krab that my mommie warned me about when I was a tadpole! Goodbye!"

Amid Fred's protests, she hops away.

Fred hides behind the kelp again.

After a while a crab comes up and pets Curley.

"What a cute little flurndebit!" she says.

Fred comes out from behind the kelp and says "Hey baby."

The crab looks startled and says "Oh hi! I didn't see you there! What's your name?"

Fred ignores the question and says "I just wondered if you would like to go to a party this evening?"

"Why yes! Yes I would! Where is it?" she says.

Fred and the crab get to talking and Fred describes where he lives.

"And the party starts at 8, I'll expect to see you there!" Fred ends with.

"I'll be there! The crab says as she scuttles away.

"Mwah hahaha! You work like a charm, Curley!" Fred cackles and pats Curley absentmindly, then wipes the poop off his klaw. "If just half these babes show up, this'll be a party to remember!"

* * *

The scene opens on Fred on a Harley shell in some flow or other.

The audience can see that Curley is riding another shell a little ways back.

A title is displayed. It is "Sleazy Rider" starring Fred D. Krad and Curley D. Flurndebit.

Some music is playing. The tune is "Born to be Wild" but the lyrics are diiferent. The lyrics are:


Get your shell running

Head out on the current

Lookin for adventure

In whatever flows our way


Yeah darling gonna make it happen

Take the world in a love embrace

Fire all of your guns at once and

Explode into space


I like murk and electric eels

Heavy tidal thunder

Racing in the waves

And feeling that I'm under


Like a true nature child

We were hatched

Hatched to eat snails

We have climb so high

Never want to die

Hatched to eat snails

Hatched to eat snails

* * *

Later that night Fred is on a call-in radio show...

"And now let us go to the phones..." the host says.

"Fred, this is the loan sharks. You owe us money. Give us what you owe if you want to go on breathing. <Click>

"Haven't they heard? I've got what amounts to a revolving door in the afterlife...their threats are meaningless!" Fred pounds the table, and says "Next caller!"

"We kind of have to since that guy hung-up on us." The host points out.

<They switch to the next caller>

This caller only laughs.

"Next caller!" Fred says after 10 seconds.

"Fred this is the Lobster mobsters. We know where you live. Pay us back.<click>

"Next caller!" Fred shouts.

"Fred; this is your ex-wife Hissie. You owe me money from the crab-imony suit; pay me!<click>

"Next caller!" Fred says.

"There is no next caller" the host reports.

"Hmph! You'd think with a opportunity to talk with their KING my subjects would be tying up the lines. But no I guess that I'm doing such a great job they don't feel the need to talk to me!" Fred explains.

"Or something." says the host.

* * *

The scene opens in the afterlife. Booda is there after a moment, Fred joins him.

"Where's my new body?!" Fred asks.

"What?" replies a spomewhat surprised Booda.

"When I told you our debt was was fine it was with the understanding that whenever I died you would get me a new body." Fred says.

"Oh. I guess I didn't understand. That's worth a lot more then my debt."

"Well...you wouldn’t want me to say something to your high priest." Fred says.

"Who? Swami wouldn’t like that at all, you mustn’t mention it to her." says Booda the image of concern.

"Well...I could be persuaded to not mention the debt to Swami...if you give me new bodies." Fred says craftly.

"Oh alright." says Booda relived.

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